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It's
Amazing What One Has to Believe It’s
amazing what one has to believe to believe in gun control: That
a punk wakes up one morning, and thinks, "Gee, instead of robbing,
raping, sodomizing and killing a young woman, why don’t I turn my $400
gun in for $20 and a pizza and go work at McDonalds?" That
the more helpless you are, the safer you are from criminals. That
you should give a mugger your wallet, because he doesn’t really want
to shoot you and he’ll let you go, but that you should give him your
wallet, because he’ll shoot you if you don’t. That
one can sue a store for having a slick floor, falling ceilings, and
sharp corners, but if they refuse to let you bring a gun in and you get
shot, they aren’t liable for enforcing that rule with others. That
there is no right of self defense, but the police are not legally
obligated to respond to my cries for help when disarmed, but you can sue
them if they take too long to get to a traffic accident. That
assault rifles are far too powerful to hunt deer and elk, and too
dangerous for private citizens to own, but are too impotent for modern
warfare, too weak to reliably kill soldiers, and have no place in the
concept of a citizen reserve. That
the preferred weapon of a drug dealer is a $25 .22 pocket pistol, and
the preferred weapon of a drug dealer is a $2000 machinegun. That
any cheap weapon is a "Saturday night special," and any
expensive weapon is an "assault weapon." That
"Cops" and other shows are edited to show the boring
encounters with traffic stops and the occasional drunken fool with a
revolver in his pocket, and never show the millions of cases where the
cops are gunned down in droves by machinegun toting drug dealers. That
"NYPD Blue" and "Miami Vice" are documentaries. That
an intruder will be incapacitated by tear gas or oven spray, but if shot
with a .44 Magnum will get angry and kill you. That
firearms in the hands of private citizens are the gravest threat to
world peace, and China, Pakistan and Korea can be trusted with nuclear
weapons. That
Charlton Heston as president of the NRA is a shill who should be
ignored, but Michael Douglas as a representative of Handgun Control,
Inc. is an ambassador for peace who is entitled to an audience at the UN
arms control summit. That
ordinary people, in the presence of guns, turn into slaughtering
butchers, and revert to normal when the weapon is removed. That
someone who fails to clear his weapon, fails to point it in a safe
direction, and pulls the trigger without checking the chamber, and blows
his foot off is an example of how even a "trained
professional" can be a "victim" of a diabolical gun, but
people in the military, who clean weapons millions of times a year
without getting hurt, are "dumb grunts." That
the New England Journal of Medicine is filled with expert advice about
guns, just like Guns and Ammo has some excellent treatises on heart
surgery. That
one should consult an automotive engineer for safer seatbelts, a civil
engineer for a better bridge, a surgeon for spinal paralysis, a computer
programmer for Y2K problems, and Sarah Brady for firearms expertise. That
the best thing our kids can do to bullies and drug dealers is "just
say no," and fight back, and the best thing we can do to bullies
and drug dealers is to give them $50 and wait for them to go away. That
it’s outrageous that the Milwaukee police took 45 minutes to respond
to reports of Jeffrey Dahmer’s last victim running around naked in the
cold, then returned him to his attacker without checking ID, but the
best thing a citizen can do in an emergency is dial 911. That
the "right of the people peaceably to assemble," the
"right of the people to be secure in their homes,"
"enumerations herein of certain rights shall not be construed to
disparage others retained by the people," "The powers not
delegated herein are reserved to the states respectively, and to the
people," refer to individuals, but "the right of the people to
keep and bear arms" refers to the states. That
the 2nd Amendment, ratified in 1787, allows the states to have a
National Guard, created by act of Congress in 1917. That
the National Guard, paid by the federal government, occupying property
leased to the federal government, using weapons owned by the federal
government, punishing trespassers under federal law, is a state agency. That
private citizens can’t have handguns, because they serve no militia
purpose, even though the military has hundreds of thousands of them, and
private citizens can’t have assault rifles, because they are military
weapons. That
it is reasonable for California to have a minimum 2 year sentence for
possessing but not using an assault rifle, and reasonable for California
to have a 6 month minimum sentence for raping a female police officer.
That it is reasonable to jail people for carrying but not using guns,
but outrageous to jail people for possessing marijuana. That
minimum sentences violate civil rights, unless it’s for possessing a
gun. That
door-to-door searches for drugs are a gross violation of civil rights
and a sign of fascism, but door-to-door searches for guns are a
reasonable solution to the "gun problem." That
the first amendment absolutely allows child pornography and threats to
kill cops, but doesn’t apply to manuals on gun repair. That
a woman in a microskirt, perfume, and a Wonderbra, without underwear, is
a helpless victim, but someone getting paid $6 an hour to deliver the
cash from a fast food place to the bank at the same time every night is,
"asking for it." And you won't allow either of them to carry a
gun. That
Illinois' law that allows any government official from Governor to
dogcatcher to carry a gun is reasonable, and the law that prohibits any
private citizen, even one with 50 death threats on file and a million
dollar jewelry business, is reasonable. And it isn't a sign of police
stateism. That
the 80 religious kooks in Waco were a threat to American security, but
snipers killing them as they left the building, machinegunning children,
hiding the video evidence, possibly torching the building on purpose,
and having no case to present in federal court is good law enforcement.
And it isn't a sign of police stateism. That
free speech entitles one to own newspapers, transmitters, computers, and
typewriters, but self defense only justifies bare hands. That
with the above, a 90 lb woman attacked by a 300 lb rapist and his 300 lb
buddy, has the "right" to kill them in self defense, provided
she uses her bare hands. That
there’s nothing in the Constitution that specifically prohibits
banning certain guns, but there is something in the Constitution that
specifically prohibits banning certain sex acts. That
gun safety courses in school only encourage kids to commit violence, but
sex education in school doesn’t encourage kids to have sex. That
the ready availability of guns today, with only a few government forms,
waiting periods, checks, infringements, ID, and fingerprinting, is
responsible for all the school shootings, compared to the lack of school
shootings in the 1950’s and 1960’s, which was caused by the awkward
availability of guns at any hardware store, gas station, and by mail
order. That
we must get rid of guns because a deranged lunatic may go on a shooting
spree at any time, and anyone who owns a gun out of fear of such a
lunatic is paranoid. That
there is too much explicit violence featuring guns on TV, and that
cities can sue gun manufacturers because people aren’t aware of the
dangers involved with guns. That
the gun lobby’s attempt to run a "don’t touch" campaign
about kids handling guns is propaganda, and the anti-gun lobby’s
attempt to run a "don’t touch" campaign is responsible
social activity. That
the crime rate in America is decreasing because of gun control, and the
increase in crime requires more gun control. That
100 years after its founding, the NRA got into the politics of guns from
purely selfish motives, and 100 years after the Emancipation
Proclamation, the black civil rights movement was founded from purely
noble motives. That
statistics showing high murder rates justify gun control, and statistics
that show increasing murder rates after gun control are "just
statistics." That
we don’t need guns against an oppressive government, because the
Constitution has internal safeguards, and we should ban and seize all
guns, therefore violating the 2nd, 4th, and 5th Amendments of that
Constitution, thereby becoming an oppressive government. That
guns are an ineffective means of self defense for rational adults, but
in the hands of an ignorant criminal become a threat to the fabric of
society. That
guns are so complex to use that special training is necessary to use
them properly, and so simple to use that they make murder easy. That
guns contribute to high death rates and should be banned, but tobacco
and alcohol are okay. That
guns cause crime, which is why there are so many mass slayings at gun
shows. That
guns aren’t necessary to national defense, which is why the army only
has 3 million of them. That
banning guns works, which is why New York, DC, and Chicago cops need
guns. That
the Constitution protects us, so we don’t need guns, and can
confiscate them, thereby violating the 5th amendment of that
constitution. That
women are just as intelligent and capable as men, and a woman with a gun
is "an accident waiting to happen." That
women are just as intelligent and capable as men, and gunmaker’s
advertisements aimed at women are "preying on their fears." That
a handgun, with up to 4 controls, is far too complex for the typical
adult to learn to use, as opposed to an automobile that only has 20. That
handguns are useful only for murder, which is why the police and
military define them as defensive weapons. That
neighbors who carry guns against the occasional lunatic are paranoid,
because of the perfectly justifiable fear that every single one of them
is waiting to turn into a lunatic. That
a majority of the population supports gun control, just like a majority
of the population used to support owning slaves. That
one should ignore as idiots politicians who confuse Wicca with Satanism
and exaggerate the gay community as a threat to society, but listen
sagely to politicians who can refer to a self-loading small arm as a
"weapon of mass destruction" and an "assault
weapon." That
there is no absolute right to a weapon, documented historically because
the British government used to prohibit Catholics from owning guns. And
that wasn’t a sign of religious bigotry. That
rifles with pistol grips are assault weapons, just like vehicles with
racing stripes are sports cars. That
you don’t need a gun against invaders, because the government will
know in plenty of time to issue you whatever weapons you need. That
Massachussetts is safer with bans on guns, which is why Teddy Kennedy
has machinegun toting guards. That
most people can’t be trusted, so we should have laws against guns,
which most people will abide by, because they can be trusted. That
a woman raped and strangled with her panties is morally superior to a
woman with a smoking gun and a dead rapist at her feet. That
guns should be banned because of the danger involved, and live reporting
from the battlefield, which can keep the enemy informed of troop
deployments, getting thousands of troops killed and perhaps losing a
war, is a protected act that CANNOT be compromised on. That
the right of online child pornographers to exist cannot be questioned
because it is a constitutionally protected extension of the Bill of
Rights, and the claim that handguns are for self defense is merely an
excuse, and not really protected by the Bill of Rights. That
the ACLU is good because it uncompromisingly defends certain parts of
the Constitution, and the NRA is bad, because it defends other parts of
the Constitution. That
a house with a gun is three times as likely to have a murder, just like
a house with insulin is three times as likely to have a diabetic. That
police operate in groups with backup, which is why they need larger
capacity magazines than civilians, who must face criminals alone, and
therefore need less ammunition. That
we should ban "Saturday Night Specials" and other inexpensive
guns because it’s not fair that poor people have access to guns too. That
guns have no legitimate use, but alcohol does, which is why we issue
cops beer instead of guns. That
police and soldiers are the dregs of society who were unfit to get any
real job, which perfectly qualifies them with the high moral standards
and keen intellects to handle these complicated tools and be our
guardians. |